How To Be The Ex-Girlfriend From Hell

1. Call him by a different name

No better way to crush a man's ego than by calling him a different name. So what if you dated Jim for 2 years, call him Mark, Jake, whatever floats your boat, and watch his face drop. He broke your heart so you forgot his name, and to be honest, that pales in comparison to him cheating on you with his trampy co-worker Alicia. Go ahead, make his ass feel irrelevant, call him Greg.

2. Stay tight with his family

Just because the two of you are over doesn't mean you and his family are. When his sweet mom invites you to family dinners and outings (which she will, because you're a charming ball of delight) show up with your new boyfriend. Turn up the "I'm so in love with my man" act in front of your ex, compliment his mother, get your boyfriend to help her set the dinner table, share horror stories about your ex, then look at him, laugh, and say "whoops, forgot you were here." Congrats on having created his own personal hell.

3. Be shady AF

Yes, you are the best there ever was and anyone after you is a downgrade, but he will get a new girlfriend. This does not mean you stop ruining his life. Honey, if anything, it gives you more material to work with. Now you can throw shade at her too. So, next time you run into your ex and his new girl, simply stare at her and in your best Regina George voice say "Wearing pajamas in public [pause, look her up and down] how brave," regardless of what she is wearing. Let her know that her style ain't shit. Then walk away like the badass bitch that you are.

4. Make your #TBT posts about him

And no, I don't mean it in the reminiscing, sweet, I-miss-what-we-had way, bitch you have to be petty about it. Post a picture of the two of you and caption it "Throwback to the time when I dated this fuckboy. Why didn't anyone stop me? #gross #cheater #HopeSheWasWorthIt #MinuteMan" Then, for the finishing touch, tag him in it. Voila!

5. Hookup with his best friend

Be like Nike and JUST DO IT! So what if  his best friend is a 2 when you're sober?! Drink some vodka and it'll bump him up to a solid 5! Beer goggles honey, beer goggles! Bonus points if his best friend happens to be his roommate. That means you get to have loud sex while your ex listens in the other room. There is no better revenge than that.